The Benevolent Ruler of Skyrim
by A Table God Named Cheese
Summary: A story revolving around the newly crowned High King of Skyrim and his attempts to be a kind, but fair (and smart), ruler. Chapters will revolve around prompts taken from The Benevolent Ruler List, and may not be in chronological order...fair warning. Rated T just in case, hope you enjoy.
1. Chapter 1

_"As a general rule, I will remember that I am not the Evil Overlord, and should not indulge in behavior that will confuse my subjects on this point."_

* * *

"M'lord, a question, if I may ask?"

"You may."

"You've been High King for nearly a week now, do you have anything you wish to do? Pertaining to Skyrim, mostly."

That was actually a good question his advisor had asked him. Cullen could not think of anything noteworthy he'd like to do. Sure, he could order some people around or, perhaps even stomp out the remnants of the Stormcloak rebellion but...he just wanted to relax. He had been doing a lot of work over the past year, and the reward for it all was becoming High King. Slaying Alduin (albeit temporarily), defeating Miraak, and stomping all over Harkon was tiring work, and add to that the fact that he thankfully intervened and put an end to the Civil War. Which would mean that now he could sit back and enjoy the fruits of his labor.

Until the Thalmor start rallying their troops to go to war. That...that would stop all fun dead in its tracks.

"Well, how are things going in Windhelm?" He'd ask.

"Repairs to Windhelm are coming along nicely. The new Jarl is doing his part, as expected."

"Brunwulf? He seemed like an okay old man. I just hope he fixes that Gray Quarter, those Dunmer deserve better than that."

"I can make sure he hears your concern, if you'd like."

"No, he'll do it on his own accord. We've got more important things to worry about." Cullen would say, moving on to the next subject. "I've heard that there have been 'requests' for my assistance in matters. I'd like to hear them."

"Of course. Well, the first matter was from here in Whiterun. Apparently someone wants you to take care of some nearby bandits."

"Sounds tedious, I'll do it. Next item?"

"Well, there are the marriage proposals..."

" _No_. To all of them. Next."

"Jarl Elisif of Solitude would like an audience with you. And, believe it or not, so does Ambassador Elenwen."

Funny, he hadn't expected the last one. Oh sure, Elisif probably just wanted his help with something political or the like, but the last person he thought would want to speak to him would be Elenwen. He was curious, just what was she aiming at? There was no way she believed he'd sit and do peace talks...right? He had given her all the signs that wasn't the case. Crashing her party, kicking her out of a meeting, calling her an 'Elven she-beast'. If anything, she must've wanted to kill him by now, hence this request.

"Tell Elisif I'll see her soon. The same with the Ambassador."

"Are you sure?"

"Um...yeah?"

"But, what if she tries something? Surely you can't believe that she'd-"

"I'm pretty sure I can handle it." Cullen interrupted. "They're just a bunch of mages. I've killed bunches of mages before. I'll go, but just so you don't worry too much, I'll take a few friends with me."

"Good idea." The advisor would say, nodding in approval. "Now, on to the Stormcloak prisoners. How do you want to handle them?"

"Tell them to either go back to their old lives or become guards or soldiers. Any who refuse shall stay locked away until they compromise. I think I'm doing pretty good so far."

"So far. Now, last matter involves the holds and how to govern them. How do you-"

"Simple." Cullen would yet again interrupt. "Let the Jarls govern themselves. If they have problems, they know where to find me...most of the time. Being High King does not mean I will give up my life as an adventurer, it just means I'll be doing less of it. Oh! While we're on the matter, I actually came up with something productive to do as High King."

"Yes, and it is?"

"Remove that scum Maven from the position of Jarl. Put Mjoll in the big seat, and I believe Riften will be better for it. Unless people start getting clever, in which case I'll personally ride down there and fix it up myself. Of course, I won't outright slaughter anyone...unless I have reason to."

"Good idea m'lord, anything else?"

"Siddgeir, Jarl of Falkreath? Yeah, remove him too. Put his steward in charge, and if anyone has a problem they can take it up with me."

"Yes sir."

"See? I'm being productive, and in a good way. What if I was a bad guy from a book? I would not be answering these questions, I'm pretty sure I'd be trying to go to war! But seriously, what harm could being an evil High King do to me? Execution? Imprisonment? A steamy affair with a Daedric Prince!?"

"...It will make no one like you."

"Good point. Well, this conversation was fun." He'd say, standing up out of his chair in order to stretch. "But those bandits won't kill themselves. I'll see you sometime later this afternoon, you're welcome to stay here if you'd like. Breezehome is your home."

"Thank you, sir." The advisor would say, Cullen waving before leaving to handle the group of bandits. He would look around the small house and take in the simplistic style of it all. It was is if, while he had the option to live like a king, Cullen simply settled for a commoners' house. _'More cozy'_ He'd say, whatever that meant.

"An Interesting choice for High King."


	2. Chapter 2

_I will ensure that all my potential heirs have interesting and important jobs to do, according to their abilities, so they will have less time to plot against myself and one another._

* * *

"Papa! Look what I found!"

It was a skeever...she found a skeever.

"Why, Runa, you _do_ know that skeevers are vermin right?" Cullen would politely ask his daughter.

"Yes, but this one is so cute! Can we keep him, _please_?" She would ask. Her face was adorable, how could he say no to her?

"No. We don't keep vermin in the house."

Just like that, apparently.

"Don't worry, I promise you'll have an actual pet in the near future. Just give Papa a little time, okay sweetie?"

She would happily shake her head and make her way outside, skeever in hand. Once she left Cullen would sigh and taks a seat in a nearby chair, wondering why she even picked up the damned thing. And then it dawned on him: she picked up a damn skeever. She needed to bathe, now. He was so occupied with his thoughts on the matter that he didn't notice Lydia make her way downstairs until she was sitting down next to him. Even then, he couldn't help but keep thinking about it.

"Morning. Something on your mind?"

"Runa asked if she could keep a skeever as a pet. A _skeever_ , of all things. I wonder about that girl sometimes."

"Well, she's been through a lot."

"And I'm completely fine with that. But a skeever?"

"Are you really that upset about the whole thing? It's just a skeever, Cullen, not a dragon or something."

"I _hate_ skeevers."

"You've eaten cooked skeever before!"

"I hate _living_ skeevers."

"Understood. So, where is everyone?"

"Well Carlotta went back to Riverwood to catch up with her brother. It's been awhile, those two haven't seen each other much in these past few months. Runa is running around here somewhere with a damn skeever. It could be diseased for all we know! Lucia went to Jorrvaskr with her dagger to show it off to the Companions, and Hroar had his mind firmly set on being Lars' bodyguard."

"Ah. And what are you doing?"

"As of right now? Figuring out which of the three are gonna be my heir."

"Why?"

"I'm not gonna ignore this. I've got three kids, a wife, and an entire Skyrim to rule over. Sooner or later this was gonna pop up, so I'm gonna sit here, drink some mead, scratch my bottom and think this over."

"Well, I'll help, but only because you're my friend."

"Uh huh..."

"So, explain to me what's going on in that mind of yours."

"Alright. So before we start, I need to do something. Stay right here." He'd tell Lydia. He would then stand out of his seat and leave his home. And after what seemed like forever, he would return, although now he was drenched.

"Why are you wet?"

"Gave Runa a bath. Drowned a skeever. Nothing too important." He'd respond, sitting back down in his seat like nothing happened.

"Let us start out with Runa. She's a smart gal, if a bit too naive at times. She's not a big fan of action and prefers diplomatic solutions to things. Unlike Hroar, who'll punch a problem in the face. She's a fan of the temples, I could see her becoming a priestess when she gets older. As long as the temple doesn't worship Dibella...anyone but her."

"So she could technically worship anyone else? Even a Daedric Prince? Like, say...Molag Bal?"

"Of the _divines_ , Lydia! I'll be damned if any of my children worship one of those damned Princes."

"But...don't you 'somewhat' worship Me-"

"That couldn't be helped, she wouldn't leave me the hell alone. You were _there_ , you _know_ this! I don't even use her damn sword."

"I know, I know." She'd say, holding back her attempts to laugh. "Alright, so what about Hroar then?"

"The boy's a warrior, no doubt about that. He'll grow to be a strong lad, I mean look at him. Getting into fights to protect Lars? That's a mercenary in the making. Sure, maybe one day he could be ruler, but I doubt it'd be by anything other than force. Then again he's only ten, so I don't know, maybe he'll mellow out a bit."

"What about Runa? She's only nine."

"Priestess. Mercenary. Heir."

"Well obviously, Lucia the only other option left. Unless..."

"She's the only other option. And she's the most well-rounded option as well."

"No fair, you've been raising her longer than the other two."

"Which means she has the advantage. For one, she's bubbly and humorous, but she knows how to hold her own. Just like her Papa."

"Uh huh..."

At that time Lucia made her way into the home, her new dagger still in hand. "Hi Papa, hi Lydia." She said before bouncing off upstairs, most likely to put the dagger away. Once she came back downstairs she stood in front of the two with a puzzled look on her face. "Where's Mama?"

"She went to see uncle Lucius dear. She'll be back soon."

"Okay. Me and Hroar are going to play tag with Lars. See you later!" And with that, out the door she went.

"I still can't believe you gave her a dagger."

"Better than a wooden sword."

"An ebony dagger?"

"Better than a steel one."

"What type of father are you?"

"The best type."


	3. Chapter 3

_If I do have a particular favorite among my heirs, I will go out of my way to show the others that I love them too. *cough*Even if this is not true*cough*_

* * *

Morning, the worst time of the day. Well, to Cullen anyway. He'd slowly make his way out of bed and get a good look at his surroundings. Everything seemed to be in order...except for one tiny thing. It wasn't too important, but he found himself caring more about it simply because he figured it out.

What was it? Well...someone took the sweetroll he was saving. And since someone had to take it, that could only mean that they ate it as well. He was going to get to the bottom of this, and dammit, someone was gonna pay!

"And to think, I was looking forward to eating that damned thing." He muttered to himself as he made his way to Lydia's room. She wasn't there, so he made his way downstairs in order to see if any of the kids were home. Once again, no one. Why was everyone in this household but him a morning person!?

He figured that it would be better for him to not go looking for the culprit, as the whole thing was rather silly. Still, he couldn't seem to shake it from his mind, so maybe he could at least find who did it in order to bring himself some closure. He went back upstairs and put on some good clothing and made his way outside.

Once he made his way outside he'd look up to notice that it was later than he had initially believed it to be. The sun was high in the sky, which meant there was no way it was morning anymore. Looking back down he was greeted to the site of a Whiterun guard speaking to Runa. For what purpose, he did not know, but best to figure it out just in case she did something wrong. Or worse, she did nothing wrong and was falsely accused. Or, even worse than that, she got caught messing with another damn skeever. The first time was fine, a little talk on why skeevers weren't pets was needed and Cullen had thought she had understood him. But it had been two weeks since then, and she kept trying to bring home one of those vermin once every few days.

Oh how lucky Carlotta was to be in Riverwood. She'd probably faint at the sight of one alone. She had sent word that she would return home in the next few days, so Cullen had his eye on getting Runa to leave skeevers alone by the time his wife got home. Easier said than done of course, but he'd done such things before, so why should this be any different?

"Excuse me, guard." He'd say as he approached the two. "Has Runa done something wrong?"

"No, your Highness!" The guard would respond, seemingly trying to defuse a situation before it happened. "She's done nothing wrong at all. In fact, she was actually being a good little helper to us guards. I was just giving her a simple thank you is all."

"Oh? Care to explain how and why?"

"She had come to us and explained that she had been finding a lot of skeevers coming from the Honningbrew Meadery. Our Commander went over to check it out and sure enough, there were a bunch of the little vermin running around. Shut the place down until the owner can prove he cleaned the place up."

Well, that explains where all of the rodents were coming from. Still didn't explain why she kept getting ahold of them. Or even more concerning, _why in the hell was she near a meadery in the first place?_

"Alright, understood. If you don't mind, I would like to talk to my daughter. Alone."

"Yes, sir. Understood sir!" The guard would say before making his leave. Cullen just could not get used to everyone calling him 'sir'. If he remembered correctly, he never told anyone to annouce him as such. It made him feel old, and he didn't want to embrace that at all.

"Runa, I've gotta say, I did not see it at first." He'd tell her. "I understand the skeevers now. You were just trying to alert everyone to the skeever problem. I'm impressed."

"Well..."

"That _was_ what you were doing with all of those skeevers, right?"

"Yes, Papa."

"Good girl. I'll be sure to reward you with a very special present for the wonderful job you did. Now hurry along, I'm sure you were doing other things." He would say as Runa began to wander off. Ah, it felt good to know that she wasn't just attracted to the filthy creatures. Then again, she was hesitant with her answer, so he felt he'd need to keep an eye on her just in case. If she so much as poked another skeever she was gonna be a priestess a little earlier than planned.

But enough about Runa, he hadn't seem Hroar, Lucia, or Lydia yet. Hopefully he could see them all before he had to journey away to Solitude for his meeting with Jarl Elisif. Once he thought of that he remembered that he forgot to tell Runa that he would be leaving them in Lydia's care for a bit. Oh well, best he find someone so he could tell them.

He figured that Hroar might be at the Battle-Born household playing with Lars, as usual. Either that or he was somewhere brawling with Braith. If that was the case, then all he'd have to do was follow the commotion they would eventually draw to themselves. As for Lucia, she could be anywhere. Toying with her dagger, messing with the guards, playing with Balgruuf's children (she didn't like Lars), something like those things. And Lydia? Since he hadn't heard of her taking up any bounties, the only logical place for her to be at this time of day was the Bannered Mare. Why she would be here so early was anyone's guess, but Cullen knew that for Lydia, the start of a beautiful day wasn't complete without a few bottles of mead.

He would begin to walk up to Dragonsreach in his attempts to find Lucia when, like he predicted, there was some commotion going on near the Battle-Born house. When he got there, the sight was just embarrassing. Funny, but embarrassing. There was Hroar, big protector of Lars, on the ground holding onto his bloody nose. Lars wasn't doing any better, holding onto his nose and his right eye. But the grand thing here was that instead of Braith being the one standing tall, it was Lucia. With her dagger. Scaring the living crap out of Braith.

Well, holding said dagger to her neck would do such a thing.

"Easy Lucia." Cullen would say, his daughter looking up to notice him. "Playtime's over."

She'd slowly remove the dagger from Braith's neck, but interestingly, she issued a threat, which caught dear old Cullen by surprise. "Touch Hroar again and I'll be the last thing you see." She said. Where did she learn that from? Certainly not him, and he never heard Lydia say such a thing. Was he gonna have to take a little trip to Jorrvaskr?

"Hroar, Lucia, with me." He'd call to his children. They would make their way to his side and, after inspecting his son's face, would walk them back home. "Hroar, what happened?"

"She cheated! I wasn't ready, she just-"

"No excuses. Don't worry, I'll teach you some things, she won't surprise you anymore."

"Really?"

"Probably. Depends on if you want to get beat up by a girl or not." He would tell him, his attention now turning to Lucia. "And how do you fit into this story? I hope it wasn't just to use your dagger on poor little Braith back there."

"She's mean! She thinks she's such a bad guy, so I punched her to the ground and put my dagger to her throat and told her that if she kept being mean to people that I'd beat her up."

"Uh huh. And who exactly taught you that?"

"Miss Aela."

So he really would have to take a trip to Jorrvaskr. He knew Aela, and knew that she was gonna say something like 'you're never too young to learn how to murder' or 'she has the potential to be a future shield-sister'. Well, too bad; she was to be his heir, and going around trying to scare people to death was not something she should be doing...now. She wasn't to be doing those things now. Maybe later, when its necessary, but she was only a child. With a cool dagger.

"Ah, of course she did. Well, I'll let you off with a warning this time. But next time? Just stick to punching, okay?" He said. "Now since you two are so nice and protective of Lars...well, since Hroar is protective of Lars, you two deserve something for your troubles."

"Really!?" They'd say in unison.

"Yes, really. I'll be going to Solitude later today, so when I return I shall bring gifts for all of you."

And then they hugged him. And he smiled. And eventually winced in pain as Lucia's dagger poked his leg. The three of them made their way home where Lydia was awaiting them. Or, specifically, Cullen. The two kids would run off into their rooms, while Lydia walked up to Cullen, her face just reeking of mead.

Yes, her face. but not only mead. There was...a slight smell of something else. Something... _sweet_.

"So, how was your day?" She asked.

"I've got to go, duties of the High King to tend to and such." He would respond, suddenly turning around in preparation to leave. "Runa's somewhere around here, Hroar needs tending to and Lucia should probably stay away from Braith. Oh, and talk to Aela for me, tell her to slow down on the huntress teachings."

"Wait, what? But, I just got done drinking mead, I can't just watch-"

"Have fun!"

And with that, he was gone.


	4. Chapter 4

_Being aware of the possibility of evil twins, mind control, or just having a really bad day, if a Hero suddenly starts acting out of character, I will call for a careful investigation rather than his head._

* * *

"My King, always nice to see you."

"Elisif, we've talked about this before. Call me Cullen."

It had been two and a half days since he left his home in Whiterun to meet with Solitude's Jarl. He didn't know why she wanted to meet with him, but it probably had something to do with the rebuilding efforts and such. That was all everyone seemed to talk about lately, the aftermath of the war and 'those damned Thalmor'. He had eyes and ears all around, he was pretty sure more pressing matters needed to be dealt with first. An example: a certain group of assassins had started creating problems out of nowhere, which needed to be addressed.

There were more, a whole lot more, but he was trying to be positive. For now.

"Thank you for meeting me. There are a few issues that I would like to talk to you about." She told him. She gestured for him to follow her inside of the Blue Palace, her place of residence, where they could conversate with more privacy. Once inside they made their way to her throne where she would sit...and leave him standing. "Oh, pardon me, would you like to-"

"The ride here was a pain, I'll stand. Now, what is it you wanted to talk to me about?"

"It's nothing, really, but-"

"If its's _nothing_ , then why am I here Elisif?" He said impatiently. Along the way here something had come up, something that he'd take care of as soon as this meeting was finished. He looked Elisif in her eyes and attempted to explain through facial expressions that his attention was waning. It had to have worked because she quickly got to the point.

"Well, I fear the Thalmor are starting to get a little...nervous, now that the war is over." She would say.

"They should be nervous. Once I get things moving in the right direction we'll be kicking their pointy-eared asses out of here. Then _obviously_ the treaty will be broken and it'll be back to fighting them."

"But they're currently still situated in the hold, what am I to do once this plan of yours happens?"

"Simple, you're gonna back me up. If they retaliate, I'll call all holds to action and we'll rout them before they have a chance to bring in any reinforcements. Or I could just sic a few dragons on them and see how that plays out."

"You would do that?"

"You wouldn't?"

"I _can't_."

After Elisif spoke, the two could hear a man heading their way. Upon closer inspection, the man turned out to be Erikur, one of Elisif's Thanes. Albeit her more annoyingly arrogant one unfortunately. He would make his way past Cullen and, in a show of either respect or disrespect, bowed to Elisif. Good thing he bowed to her, Cullen would've just wasted breath on telling him never to do that again. He wasn't of nobility, he just had a fancy title and bigger problems.

"M'lady." He would say, eventually turning his attention towards Cullen. "M'lord."

"I was born 'Cullen', I prefer you use that."

"Whatever you say, _Cullen_." The poisonous hiss used on his name garnered some ire from the King. However, he wasn't going to show it; no, that would only give Erikur the sense that he could get under his skin. And he was not going to give this idiot anything other than the pointy end of a blade.

"I assume you've handled the situation?" Elisif would ask her Thane. This line of questioning made Cullen feel left out. For one, he didn't know what situation needed handling. Two, he wasn't sure if he even wanted to know. He was here for something completely different than their business, namely, his own business.

"It's handled, nothing more than some bandits trying to play mage." He told her. Now this was gaining his curiousity. Bandits trying to play mage, what was that all about? As he thought about that Erikur was just readying to leave without a detailed report. Usually (in his case), whenever you send someone out on a mission, you tend to want a report from them. He preferred not only a hand-written one, but a verbal one as well. Just to make sure people didn't leave anything out when they spoke to him.

"Report."

"Excuse me?"

"I'd like a report."

"Well that depends, _Cullen_...are you asking, or ordering?"

"...Funny, that also depends. Would you rather I _kill you where you stand_ with a conjured blade, or burn you alive with the power of my _Thu'um_? Because from where I'm standing, both are possible. Now, **report**."

"Uh...well, when you put it like that, I suddenly don't see anything wrong with giving a report." He then said, which would probably be the next best thing to 'shit, I'm sorry, please don't turn me into ashes!'. It was alright though, it made him grin for a brief moment, and even Elisif had found some humor in it. "Well, there was some commotion coming from Wolfskull Cave and I was sent to figure out what it was. Turned out to be some bandits attempting to learn magic, to which I responded by 'handling' the situation."

"I'm not stupid, Erikur. You killed them, just say so. They were bandits, right? No harm in ridding us of criminals." Cullen said.

"Exactly. That is all there is to it, anything else you'd want to know, Your Highness?"

"I'm satisfied, you may leave now."

Taking the cue, Erikur backed away before leaving the palace. Probably to go drink himself stupider Cullen thought. But, once Erikur had left the palace, his demeanor immediately switched to one of concern as Elisif began to speak once more.

"I'm sorry about that whole thing. Erikur is... _difficult_ , at times, but he's a good man at heart." She'd say.

"Elisif, how well do you know Erikur?"

"Well, he's been Thane for quite some time, why?"

"For your well-being, after this meeting I plead for you to dispatch spies to watch over him."

"Wait, I don't understand. Why would I send spies after Eri-"

"Listen to my _very_ carefully." He would say, pacing back and forth in order to concentrate his thoughts. "Erikur said that he came from Wolfskull Cave, a cave supposedly inhabited by bandits. Which I find hard to believe, considering that I visited said cave before I came here. Concerned man over by Dragon's Tongue pleaded with me to investigate, and so I did. Suffice to say, bandits are the least of anyone's problems concerning that cave."

"Why? Is there something more than bandits in there?"

"Well, to be a little blunt, there were no bandits. There _were_ , however, a bunch of necromancers in the process of ressurecting Potema."

"Potema? You mean, the 'Wolf Queen' Potema?"

"Of course I'm talking about her! What other Potema's do you know!? Sorry...sorry. But listen to me Elisif, that cave is deadly, and I don't have anyone backing me so, running in with no backup was not an option. And if I, the damn _Dragonborn_ wouldn't want to enter that by myself, what hope does someone like Erikur have? He's either lying about ever going to the cave, or he's hiding something. Either way, he needs to be watched immediately."

"Okay, I'll assign some of our finest spies to watch over him. So, do you need soldiers to assist you?"

"Don't worry yourself about that. I'll pick out the soldiers, you handle Erikur." He said as he turned to leave the palace. He'd read about Potema, and knew that she'd be a handful if she was ever brought back from the dead. Unfortunately for her, he would be damned if he let that happen. No matter how much his inner dragon wished it so.

No matter how much he secretly wondered what it would be like to face someone like her. Someone who was no doubt powerful and, just maybe, might be able to provide him with his next challenge.

Until he remembered he had defeated dragons, vampire lords, and even another Dragonborn for crying out loud. And just like that, all of the enthusiasm seeped out of him. Hell, just remembering all of that made him wonder why he didn't believe he could handle it by himself in the first place. But no, better safe than sorry, so he'd still bring along a few soldiers just in case things became unpredictable.

They'd probably die, but that wasn't his problem to worry about.


	5. Chapter 5

_I will not callously dump my old, reliable Hero for the latest flashy device, or a new "kewl" Hero. This invariably backfires, and it's so embarrassing to have to apologize to the Hero afterwards._

* * *

Finally.

After being dragged into that mess that, unfortunately, he doubted anyone himself could've handled, Cullen finally made it back to Whiterun. It had been nearly two weeks since he left now, and he wondered if his wife Camilla had returned yet. And, if not, then he would wonder where the hell she could be. But an even more amusing thought: how did Lydia fare with the kids?

Oh, he had to find out as soon as possible!

Entering the city doors he was greeted to the sight of a crowd. Now, he wouldn't have cared much about it at first glance...but the crowd was nearly right in front of his house and he'd have to pass them sooner or later. Oh, the pains of not having a back door. He walked up to the crowd and squeezed his way through in order to see what the fuss was all about. Once he got a good look at what was going on though, he kind of wished he had just avoided it.

In the center of the crowd stood a woman in steel armor. Which wasn't what was grossing him out. What was grossing him out however, was the fact that Lydia was also in the center of the crowd.

And she was naked.

Just what in Oblivion was going on around here? Did the fact that kids lived here completely fly past peoples' heads? Then again...that might have been why there was a crowd in the first place. Alright, enough of this, he was gonna find out what was going on and stop it dead in its tracks.

"Excuse me?" he called out. The woman would turn to look him in the eyes. And then...she bowed to him. Which wasn't uncommon lately but, he didn't expect it from someone who was standing in a crowd with his naked housecarl.

"My lord, it is a pleasure to finally meet you." she would respond. Well...she seemed nice, and her face wasn't the ugliest he had ever seen. "I have come to lend you my battle arm as your faithful housecarl."

"Huh. Funny, I already have a housecarl, and she's naked. By the way, why is she naked? Lydia, why are you naked?"

"I defeated her in combat." The woman would then stand and show off her attire. It then became evidently clear that her armor was most definetely not her armor. That armor, and the sword and shield she was wielding, belonged to Lydia. Which meant that this woman fought his housecarl...for her weapons and armor? And even weirder, where was her stuff? Did she come up to Lydia and challenge her while being naked? So many questions.

"So you did. And...this matters to me, why?"

"Because I am more able to protect and serve you!" she said. Yikes, she was really seriously about this 'new housecarl' thing. But she did have somewhat of a point. She defeated Lydia in combat, so surely she had to be of some use, right?

 **Wrong**. Sure she might have gotten the upper hand on Lydia, but he doubted that she could beat Lydia again. At least, not in front of him anyways. Not to mention that he highly doubted that she was a trained housecarl herself. Hell, for all he knew, she could've been an assassin sent by the Thalmor! So no, he was not about to just abandon Lydia and pick this random stranger over her.

"You...do know Lydia's my friend, right? I don't even know you."

"Well, you can get to know me!"

"I don't want to get to know you! But I have a better idea. I know how to prove whether or not you are a worthy housecarl for me."

"How?"

"Everyone, back away." The crowd seemed confused, but once he began to circle the stranger the crowd took his advice and began to back away. Hell, some people just decided to leave and not risk injury. The stranger was confused, but she stood her ground. Good, because it wouldn't be any fun if she ran away before he even did anything.

"You and me, duel to the death."

"Wh-what? Surely you can't be serious?"

"I am serious, and Cullen's the name. I duel Lydia like this all the time, and she's still alive. You, and me. Five minutes, and if you're still standing then I'll personally invite you to be my housecarl." At that time he glanced over to Lydia and smiled. "I can't believe you let everyone see you naked. I'm ashamed."

"You're ashamed? Look at me! It's not like I wanted this to happen."

"Sure you didn't. Where are Camilla and the kids?"

"Inside."

"Good, they don't need to see you like this right now."

How he was going to duel her was something he pondered. He could simply shout her to death but, since she was a nord, that wasn't very honorable now was it? Or...was it? He didn't know, but he didn't want that to be her way to go. He could simply use his skill and outmanuever her, but chances are she was gonna get a few hits in, and he didn't want that. Oh, what to do with her?

"Anytime you're ready, 'future housecarl'."

"Alright, I'm ready!" She would then charge towards him, shield up and sword drawn.

"Good. _Faas Ru Maar!_ " He had used the shout that, in mortal speak, meant 'Dismay'. And sure enough, once the female had been hit with it, all of the fight had went right out of her.

"Huh? Oh...o-oh no. I'm so sorry, please don't hurt me, please!" she would plead. It was...sad to see a grown woman beg, especially when uncalled for, but time to send her off so things could go back to being normal around here.

"Leave, and _maybe_ I won't hunt you down." And just like that, she bolted out of the hold. Sure, he could've fought her, but his ass was numb from the long trip and he just wanted to lie down for a bit. There, all was right with the world...except for one thing.

"Cullen?"

"Yes, Lydi...wait. You're still naked, aren't you?"

"Uh-huh."

" _Crap_!"


	6. Chapter 6

_I will remember that the word "vizier" is always preceded by the word "evil" for a reason, and plan accordingly._

* * *

Today...was a new day. It was also the day that Cullen was set to meet with his advisers about appointing a vizier. Now, he was only appointing a vizier because he felt it was the only way to shut his advisers up about his 'plans' to deal with Elenwen and the Thalmor presence in Skyrim. He was simply holding off on any action unless they were acted upon. And since the Thalmor liked to be sneaky, he was just waiting for them to slip up once and he would give them the boot.

Or, more likely, the Thu'um.

The meeting was to be held in Dragonsreach because, well, none of the advisers saw Breezehome fit to hold a meeting of this caliber. Whatever that meant, they were just nobles who didn't understand the simpler things in life. But it was already settled, and he'd have to show or they'd drag him up there naked. And that last part wasn't even a joke, it almost happened once before, and he'd be damned if he even so much as let them attempt to do it again.

So, once the sun was high in the sky, he put on his best outfit and made his way out of his home and to the meeting. Lydia had already left for the meeting, and she didn't have to wear anything but her armor since she was his housecarl. Well, surely she wore light clothing under it all...right? Damn, now that was all he could think about. Good thing Camilla couldn't read his thoughts or he'd be in big trouble.

"Cullen?"

 _Son of a bitch!_

"What!? Huh? Oh, hey dear." he would say. Her sudden appearance completely came out of nowhere, and gave him reason to believe that something was amiss here for her to be nearby exactly when he was thinking if Lydia was wearing clothing today. No, wait, clothing under her armor! Today was gonna be one of those days, he could feel it.

"Something wrong? You look a little tense."

"Oh, just this meeting with the advisers inside of Dragonsreach, nothing special. Adding a vizier to my political group, nothing special at all about that."

"Uh...huh. Are you sure about that?"

"...Yes."

"You don't seem so sure."

"Business as usual. And, speaking of business, I really must be going. Talk later!" He would then sprint away from his wife at top speed, surely making her even more suspicious of whatever was going on with him. He'd have to make something up to tell her later, because after that little stunt, he doubted she was just going to let it slide.

He sprinted all the way up to Dragonsreach and nearly ran the door down, but stopped before it came to that. As he caught his breath, the doors would open and show his personal adviser, who seemed to have been on his way to get Cullen.

"Ah, High King, nice to see you could make it." He would say. Upon noting Cullen's exhaustion, he made a puzzled face before shrugging it off. "Well now, come on inside. Best not to keep your future vizier waiting."

"I'll...be the...the judge of...that." he'd respond, slowly walking his way inside. Once the doors were closed behind himself he noticed everyone sitting at the large dining table awaiting him. He and his adviser made their way to the table and sat at opposite ends; the advisor with the potential vizier, and Cullen with...Lydia. Nothing wrong with that, other than how obvious it was he was attempting to look at everyone and everything that wasn't her.

"Is there something on my face, Cullen?" she would eventually ask him.

"What? Uh...I don't think so, why?"

"You won't look at it."

"I'm the High King, I don't have to." That was his final response before the vizier stood and gathered everyone's' attention.

"Ladies and gentleman, thank you for having me here. I am Severus, of Clan Ignis fame, and I do hope to make a lasting impression on our beloved High King."

Well, he wasn't doing too well to start off...

"I am well-versed in politics, as is most of my family. In case you didn't know, Clan Ignis stems from-"

"High Rock, founded nearly three-hundred years ago...correct?" Cullen interrupted. "I know stuff like this, being _from_ High Rock and all. Anyways, let us get right to it. Why should I make you my vizier?"

"Simple, my knowledge of the political structure of Skyrim makes me a valuable asset in the long run. Plus, I don't mean to brag or anything, but I _am_ a very powerful mage."

"So am I, plus literally everyone else I know. Seriously, Severus, tell me something that would give me reason to make you my vizier and not someone I am already acquainted with."

"Well...let's see. I am the oldest of three children, I'm the most gifted in the magical arts, my mother was a painter and my father a necromancer, I accidentally killed my mother at the age of ten and killed my father on purpose at the age of twelve and...well, the rest of my years were spent either leaning both about magic and politics or caring for my siblings. Anything else you'd like to know about me?"

"Um...no, that was...um...that was fine." Cullen would say. He slowly turned to his personal adviser and motioned for him to follow him away for a brief moment. "We will return in a brief moment with my decision. Please be patient and...well, enjoy yourself."

Once the two were alone, Cullen did not hesitate to point out the obvious red flags he had heard from Severus. "Are you _serious_? You really picked a murdering, necromancing, weirdo like _him_?"

"So he did a few bad things, they were when he was a young lad. He's fine now, trust me."

"W-What!? Killing both of your parents doesn't make anything _'fine'_ , it makes things awkward. Now look...ugh, we have other people trying to be the vizier, right?"

"Wrong."

"Seriously!?"

"He was the only one who answered our call, so naturally it's safe to say that he's the only one who was interested."

"For all we know he could have killed anyone else who was interested! Look...okay, we'll appoint him, okay? Just...please keep an eye on him. Or I'll kill him, I won't even hesitate. I'll call it an accident and everything, no one will deny it."

"Then why don't you watch him?"

"Because I'm the High King! Not a babysitter." Cullen would then make his way back to Severus and attempt to put on the most sincere-not-gonna-kill-you-if-you-try-something face and extended his hand. "Welcome to my inner circle, vizier. As Severus shook his hand, Cullen couldn't help but feel a chill creep up his spine. This guy was bad news, and he knew it. But for now, in order to please the advisers, he could stay.

He just better not try anything funny...


End file.
